My aim is simple. Life is just not fun enough. I have therefore embarked on the arduous task of making your life more fun. Be thankful - its hard work for me.

Tuesday 24 May 2011

Exams, exams and REVISION :-D

Afraid that this part of the year is when we are filling our heads with info until they mince up into putty, and generally try to learn something for the next day/hour/minute.

Yup, its GCSE time (for those not in the UK, its our final school exams, and they're quite important!).

Anyway, here's some revision tips for those of you who aren't interested (most of my readers I assume...):
  • Take freqent breaks (not bickies, breaks from learning)
  • Close your book after reading a page and remember as much as you can (you know, like those TV competitions)
  • Listen to your music if you feel like it (maybe not death metal...)
  • Don't let your friends push you into not revising, and playing games instead (ahem.)
  • Enjoy yourself (yeah?)

Monday 23 May 2011

Judgement Day...

Apparently Judgement Day is set to be May 21st. Seriously? Well yeah...

Have you noticed that all the supposed "end of the world" dates are fast approching:
  • Judgement Day is on May 21st 2011
  • The End of the World is on October 21st 2011
  • Aztec calender is set to finish on December 21st 2012
Does this worry you?
Nope, me neither.
Well there we go, thought you'd be pleased to hear that. Also, what's so precial about the 21st of those months? They're all the same.

Friday 20 May 2011

Friday Favs #5

Poetry Sucks...

Wednesday 18 May 2011

Microsoft buy Skype?

So, apparently the giant that is Microsoft have bought Skype form eBay (I think - let me know if I got it wrong) for $8.5bn. Thats quite a few Mars Bars worth of cash.

Now, tell me if I'm wrong again, but how exactly does MS justify this? I mean, its not as if we all pay Skype for use of their services, is it? To be honest, I reckon its more of a jab towards Apple, as MS try to out-do them on the face-time line of things (which, incidently, I don't have).

This battle between MS and Apple is, to put not too fine a point on it, not going very well for Microsoft - what they need to do is come up with something original, escape the confines of the MS OS.

Make an iPhone.
Actually - that's already been done, hasn't it?

Tuesday 17 May 2011

Hey, don't buy anything in our shop!

As promised in a post ages ago, which I forgot (Ahem.), here is my account of my last visit to the great capital. London.

I must admit that the arcitectural beauty of the city is a wonder to behold. There, I hope I didn't sound too much like michael palin. Good. Then I'll continue.

The aim of the game was simple - to visit the silver vaults, their sparkling, shiny little works of art; the sheer value of the contents; the brilliant salesmanship of the shop owners.

Can you guess the opening, greeting sentence of the doorman, eager to earn some of my money [which nobody was going to anyway - I just wanted a nosy]

"Sorry mate, we've just closed"

Hey, I love the way the silver vaults' decided to ignore the basic rule of making making money - selling things.

The exitement of visiting, the drama as I found a map, the suspense as I crossed the bridge; all quelched as soon as I actually found the building. You'd think they'd signpost it, wouldn't you? Yeah, ok, so I took 5 wrong turns. Big deal.

Notice how I neglect to mention that the opening hours were clearly stated on the map I printed out.

Monday 16 May 2011

How not to escape a detention

My class mates lack of imagination often suprises me. They are quite often late to a lesson, and generally get into trouble because of it.

It is amazing how a little thought could get them out of trouble - a tidy excuse / alibi goes a long way.

If they have just come in from the field, having messed around with their game of football for too long, then their reason for being late is "sorry miss, I was putting my ball away."

You'd think that they'd come out with a nice, neat, tidy excuse like "I was taking tommy to first aid."

This is the same problem with MPs - no imagination.

Which is why we are in a recession.

Saturday 14 May 2011

How not to make money

While there are more and more sites out there, offering to help you make money on the net [trust me, I've searched for them too!], it has occurred to me that something doesn't quite stack up.

If they are so good at making money, then why do they need a site with adverts? The answer is simple. They don't have a clue either.

Their best guess is that making a mint out of telling others their ideas is probably a good idea. You don't really think that they have a clue what they're talking about, do you?

Put it this way. Teachers, for all their wisdom, are forever telling us kiddiewinkles what we should be doing. Now this is probably a good idea, because there would be complete chaos if it was slightly up to us.

But do they follow their own example? No.

To give an example, I know a teacher who works in a primary school. Along with other things, she teaches handwriting lessons.

Good luck with trying to read HER writing!

Picture this scene. A spider falls into a bottle of whisky. It then climbs out, and falls headlong into an ink pot. Paralytically, it then stumbles accross a wide expanse of A4 paper.

The spider's 'writing' looks an awful lot neater than this handwriting teacher's!

Which just goes to show that most people who teach you something are extremely hypercritical.

Especially if it is to do with money.