Man found starved in desert surrounded by packets of food

It is only a matter of time before the above headline appears in one of the newspapers. Have you tried going on a desert exploration with a couple of packets of nuts, and some beans? Obviously not. You're still alive to read this.

I'm not sure the harsh reality of this crazy situation has quite been realised yet. I bought a chocolate bar as a little treat for myself. I tried to open it. Tear at the seam? No. Pull the heat sealed halves apart? No. Bite the end off? Nope. Get your fingernail under the hopeless little flap? No.

I resorted to cutting it open with a pair of scissors.

So, as I was out, I bought a pair. Brilliant packet design. You need a pair of scissors to open the packet of a pair of scissors. I'm sure there's an irony in there somewhere.

So I bought a knife to chop the packet open. Sealed packet. Penknife? Plastic seal. In the end I resorted to the stone age method. I grabbed a Flint and scratched away at the packet containing the chocolate bar.

"So what?" you ask yourselves. I'll tell you.

This is simply another example of the short-sightedness of the current population of humanity. No forward thinking.

Which is why the olympics are being hosted in the UK.

No entry to dirty hands

Yup, it's time for another signs post. This time it's the 'No entry to dirty hands' sign that is lucky enough to be talked about (if you have anything you would like me to blog about, please type it into the bar in the sidebar somewhere, or contact me).

I'm sure you've all seen it. There is a picture (the kind you'd expect to find in cave drawings - you know the type) of a man with a big grubby hand stretched out toward you. There is also a big red circle with a line through it, showing, if I'm not mistaken, that people with dirty hands are not allowed access.

The real meaning? No access to unauthorised personnel. Yeah right.

I'm suprised they don't have to have an arrow pointing to the nearest wash-room.

Pill boxes for children

This isnt just related to pill boxes, but anything child-proof. Have you ever noticed that children find it the easiest to get into dangerous packets?

Pill boxes, medicines, Bleach are just a few that this theory applies to, but anything anti-child really.

Older people can't open them because of their rhumitism, parents can't open them because they've still got their fingers in plaster from when little jimmy bit them, and nobody else can because they're allowed to.

Children on the other hand are not.

Which is why they find it the easiest to get into.

Umbrella sign

There are many signs that will eventually be lucky enough to be discussed in this blog, and this time it's the 'man having trouble with umbrella' sign's turn. Lucky it.

I'm sure you've all seen it. There is a triangular black splodge in the bottom left corner with a stick poking out of it, and a man holding it.

He is obviousely in distress - he is unfurling his umbrella into the ground - last time I checked, it was solid.

The real meaning? Warning: Road works. Yeah right.

Even Paddington Bear agrees with me.

WARNING: Dont crash into this sign!

I was on the way to school, as I so often am in these posts, when I passed a road works sign on the right hand side of the road.

Well, to say 'a' sign is a slight lie. I passed a jumble of every sign in the least way relevent to the hole in the Tarmac.

Here is my best guess as to what the signs meant. Pedestrians: go on the right hand pavement. Cars: one lane closed. Cars: one lane merged into other. Cars: no temporary traffic lights. Warning: don't drive or fall into this hole. Warning: man having trouble with umbrella [more on that later]. Cats: don't climb in and get stuck. Dogs: don't chase cats into here. Etc.

Less than 4 feet was actually taken out of the drivable space, the road was a dead end anyway, and any pedestrian stupid enough to climb over the safety barrier and fall in deserves what they get.

I wouldn't mind if the hole was more than 10 cm deep.

Health and safety with food

As you will learn to realise, I hate health and safety. That's why there's a label just for it. Privelidged or what?

This episode will focus on the stupid little labels they contaminate our food with.

After all, who would have guessed that someone allergic to celery could have an allergic reaction if they ate a packet of celery? Huh?

No. Seriously.

On an online food ordering website, one of the supermarkets, I was in the process of reading the product description, as one does, and I came accross this: [bear in mind that this is a paket of celery] "WARNING! Do not consume if you are allergic to celery."

I'm sorry, but if someone was THAT stupid, I think they would probably have already died by now.